John is trying. That's his whole story arc, that he made some terrible mistakes, actually acknowledged them, and is trying to be better. This scene was quite significant for him -- the choice he made while no one was watching. John is trying.

And I just... when I write about Dean's intelligence and it being acknowledged by people, it soothes the little wounds I carry from the show itself. It makes me feel really good that other people notice and appreciate that. Thank you.