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justinedelargeAuthor 
justinedelarge
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: R
Warning: Wincest (Sam is a few months shy of legal age)
Word Count: 3035
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just for fun.
Summary: Ever wonder how Dean started talking dirty? The genesis is in the way Sam and Dean make their feelings for each other physical. This story has dirty talk, all the feels you can handle, infinite love and even a plot that develops into a nail-biting narrative, with the best kind of hurt/comfort
Chapter Summary Sam finds out the truth
Dean didn’t trust his father. Didn’t trust that they were safe. That Sam was safe. Way too much was lingering in the air unsaid in that house. He didn’t trust it. So true to his word, Dean didn’t let Sam out of his sight. He even trailed him to the bathroom, much to Sam’s loud protests.
“No way in hell.”
Dean stood in the doorway, arms crossed, a look of dogged stubbornness on his face. “I’m not getting off on this. But I’m not leaving you anywhere alone.”
Sam stared at Dean in growing disbelief. “You’re really… you’re gonna just…”
Dean exhaled. “Fine. I’ll turn my back.”
Sam stood over the toilet bowl.
The room was silent.
The room continued to be silent.
“Dude are you gonna—“
“I can’t do it with you—“
They spoke at the same time.
‘Seriously. I can’t pee with you like, right there.”
“Sam.”
“I literally can’t do it.”
Dean shook his head. “Not going anywhere.”
Sam suddenly looked up at Dean, eyes wide with horror. “You’re not going to stand there when I have to…”
Silence.
“No. Just… fucking no, Dean, ok? If some demon comes and snatches me from the bathroom, then that’s just my time to die and that’s it.”
Dean turned, protesting, as Sam shoved him out into the hallway and shut the door.
“I’m locking it.”
“Hell you are.”
“Dean!”
Bobby stuck his head around the corner. “What the hell are you boys on about?”
Sam’s voice reverberated against the tile walls of the bathroom. “Dean wants to watch me pee!”
Bobby’s face showed a startling series of emotions. Then he backed away. “There are some things I just don’t need to know.”
Dean sputtered, red-faced. “Bobby! I wasn’t… it’s not… I was just… Reggie said not to let him out of my sight!”
Inside the bathroom came the sound of Sam peeing…and chuckling.
~
The jovial post-Thanksgiving mood didn’t last long. Something was in the air. Something unspoken. Bobby and Reggie were constantly exchanging looks with each other. John acted unnaturally cheerful but didn’t actually talk much, and avoided the two men as much as possible. He spent a lot of time with Sam, just the two of them, going over lore, walking around Bobby’s compound, playing chess. Sam unfurled under the warmth of his father’s attention, face lit up like it was Christmas Day every time John sat down next to Sam on the couch and said, “Up for a game?” or ran Latin with him in a rapid-fire call and response.
The warmer things got with John and Sam, the colder things became with John and Bobby.
It took two weeks for it to finally come to a head.
Everyone ate breakfast on their own, as they had been for about a week. Sam made cheesy eggs and Dean made bacon.
Sam and Dean ate slowly, Dean snatching bacon from Sam’s plate as Sam ate while engrossed in a book, Sam smacking his hand when he noticed. Afterward, they went out to the garage because Dean really wanted to show Sam how to take a carburetor apart and put it back together. But even with the space heater, it was too cold, so they came back inside within a few minutes and settled down on the huge couch in front of the fire. They slumped down so they couldn’t be seen, Sam leaning on Dean in a way that to someone who wasn’t looking hard would appear simply as two brothers who were very close.
The grownups were in Bobby’s office with the door closed.
Soon the sound of raised voices became audible.
Sam and Dean listened. It was hard to make out at first, other than the occasional goddamn or son-of-a-bitch.
Then the voices got louder.
“Damn it, John, every day you don’t tell them, you’re putting them at risk. You have to tell them.”
“Actually, I don’t. I can protect them.”
“From a demon on Sam’s ass? How in the nine levels of hell are you going to do that?”
“And how exactly is telling them going to help in any appreciable fucking way, Bobby? How will knowing make Sam any safer? It won’t. And I’m sick of talking about it. I changed my mind. I told you that. The answer is no.”
The door to Bobby’s office flew open, and John stalked out into the hallway, his face that precise shade of violent red that made Sam and Dean flinch in fear. Fear born of longstanding experience.
Bobby was close on John’s heels, Reggie trailing behind. “You don’t have the right to hold that information back from him. You have to—“
John turned on his heels and shoved his finger in Bobby’s face.
“Don’t you tell me what to do with my boys.”
“All the time I spent raising them while you were just…gone… they’re as much MY boys now as they are yours.” Bobby’s face was equally red, the veins in his neck pulsing visibly.
Reggie slipped into the narrow space between them.”Cool your jets.” His voice was measured and calm. “John. We talked about this. Talked it all out. Right?”
John just stared at Reggie, jaw working but no words coming out.
“Remember what they did. In that warehouse. What kind of men they are.” John’s gaze broke, unable to meet Reggie’s eyes. “Are you telling me you don’t think they can handle finding out?”
“Or maybe you’ve just gotten used to lying because it’s easier.”
Sam and Dean raised their heads over the back of the couch, shocked to hear Bobby speak to their dad with such vehemence.
“You’re one to talk, Robert. You seem perfectly goddamn happy to keep your mouth shut about the other thing. What, are you scared you’re going to lose your make-believe-son? Scared Sammy’s not going to love you anymore when he finds out what you did?”
“What we did. You and me both. And when Sam finds out me and his daddy are responsible for what happened to him? Find out what we did? You…” Bobby wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “You actually think he’s only going to hate me?”
“Dad?” Sam’s voice made the air shiver.
All three men whipped their heads around to look at Sam and Dean sitting in the living room staring back at them with questioning, wary looks on their faces.
“Oh my god.” All the color drained from John’s face.
Bobby gave a bitter laugh. “Jig’s up now.”
Dean put his arm around Sam protectively, and pulled him closer.
~
Nobody spoke. Dean closed his eyes, fighting back the sick feeling in his stomach.
“Dad.”
Suddenly tears were streaming down John’s face. He came to Sam on the couch, dropped to his knees in front of him, and pulled Sam into a massive bear hug. He just held Sam, stroking his hair, for what felt like forever. “Sam. I love you. So much. More than I—“ His voice cracked. “Forgive me.”
“Dad. You’re really scaring me.” Sam tried to laugh, but the stricken face of Bobby and the deep sorrow etched into Reggie’s features terrified him.
“Tell him. He has a right to know.” Bobby sat down in the chair nearest the fire.
Reggie went for the whiskey. He handed the first tumbler to Sam.
Sam couldn’t speak, only stared up at Reggie. “Drink it, son.” Sam did so, wincing at the burn. Reggie put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, squeezed it, and then retreated to stand next to Bobby.
John stood up, shaky on his feet, and crossed to the fireplace, bracing himself on the mantelpiece. “You remember that demon sympathizer me and Bobby captured and interrogated?”
Sam shook his head, his mouth in a tight line. He remembered. Remembered the squirming in his stomach when John said, “Those things aren’t human. There’s no Geneva Convention for them.”
“It turns out that was Spivey’s son.”
The shaking in Sam’s body started out small. Just the merest tremble that only Dean could feel. He gripped Sam tighter.
“Spivey found his…” John closed his eyes, unable to continue.
“Found his body.” Bobby’s voice was all grit and sadness.
Sam breathed in sharply.
“He had some kind of psychic ability. From the demon blood. When he touched him, he was able to… to see things. See what happened to him. See who had done it.”
John turned to face Sam. “He wanted revenge against me. For what I did to his boy. So he came after mine.”
Sam closed his eyes, and grabbed onto Dean’s knee, trying to pull warmth and comfort from the feel of him. The tremors running through his body grew worse. Remembering the torture at Spivey’s hands. Remembering the dream he’d had the night before about Spivey turning into John.
When Sam spoke, his voice was soft. “Please, mister, don’t hurt me anymore.”
John and Bobby flinched like Sam had thrown scalding water in their faces.
“That’s what he said. Didn’t he? The boy. When you tortured him for information. ‘Please, mister, don’t hurt me anymore.’”
John’s mouth was frozen open.
Suddenly Sam was on his feet. Dean rose too, prepared to hold him back from lunging at John, to catch him if he crumbled, ready for anything.
Sam just stood, hands clenched at his sides, shaking. “I remember. It was weird. Spivey told me to say that. He grabbed me by the throat and told me to say that back to him, while he was torturing me.”
Sam’s huge eyes seemed bottomless, a terrible realization building. “He knew. Didn’t he. He saw it when he touched his kid? In some kind of vision.” Sam closed his eyes, swaying on his feet. Dean put his hand on Sam’s shoulder to steady him. “He was recreating what he saw. Doing to me what...”
John moved toward Sam. “Son, you have to understand—“
Sam’s eyes flicked open, and the expression in them stopped John dead in his tracks. “Doing to me every single thing you did to his son.”
John closed his eyes and bowed his head.
Sam’s focus switched to Bobby, who withered under his gaze. “Didn’t he.”
Bobby couldn’t speak.
Sam looked back at his father. “Didn’t he.”
John screwed up his courage and raised his eyes to meet his youngest son’s. “Yes.”
~
Sam stared at John, the man who had rocked him in his arms and sung him Doors songs off-key, who ruffled his hair and smelled like Old Spice and taught him how to shoot and who was his dad… and who had taken a young man (NOT a person, Dean. Ain’t you been listening? A demon sympathizer) and beaten him until his ribs cracked and pulled out his fingernails and shocked him with a cattle prod and half-drowned him over and over… every bit of pain and fear he felt inflicted upon Sam, every scream of agony and silent prayer for release felt by Sam.
Sam shook his head, hair spilling into his eyes, and backed away from his father.
John reached out to him. “Sam. Please. We thought he was one of them. Not human anymore.”
That caught Sam’s attention.
“You thought.”
John winced.
“Might as well tell him all of it. In for a penny, in for a pound.” Bobby pushed his baseball cap back on his head.
Sam turned his eyes, shining with tears, to Bobby. “Go on.”
“After… when he was alive again, Spivey said…” Bobby’s voice was choked. “He said his boy never drank the demon blood.”
Sam closed his eyes.
Dean moved close, the sheath of his knife bumping into Sam’s, body pressed up tight behind him, and wrapped his arms around Sam’s chest, holding him together.
Sam grabbed onto Dean’s arms.
"It’s ok, Sam. I got you.”
Sam started shaking, violent tremors that racked his body like a series of seizures. He made a terrible, low moan, the sound of a mortally wounded animal.
Dean held him tight. Sam clung to him, would have collapsed to the floor were it not for the strength of Dean’s arms around him.
Dean repeated, “I got you.”
Sam raised his head, hair tumbling in his eyes, and stared at his father with hate. “That makes you a murderer.”
John grabbed hold of Sam’s shoulders. “Son. Please. You have to let me—“
Sam recoiled, shoving John back hard. “Don’t fucking touch me.” John nearly fell, but Reggie was up in a heartbeat, catching him before he hit the ground.
Sam’s head snapped to the side, targeting Bobby in his sights, fury moving into the chilling calm Sam exhibited under extreme pressure. “And you. Jesus, Bobby…you?”
Tears ran down Bobby’s face. “You’re breaking my heart.”
Sam’s mouth twisted. “Seems fair.”
Sam pulled out of Dean’s grasp, turned to look at him. “You aren’t surprised.”
Dean had been expecting this, kept the flare of fear in his gut hidden. Knew this revelation could easily drive Sam away from him.
He met Sam’s gaze. “I knew.”
Sam blinked a few times. “How long?”
“Since the day they took you. Spivey said on the tape he was gonna do you like they did his kid.”
“And you didn’t tell me.”
Dean’s mouth twitched. “Dad had to tell you.” Sam understood without Dean having to explain that it wasn’t about Dean keeping secrets. It was that the burden was on John to confess his sins, and if Dean had told Sam, that would have let John off the hook.
Sam nodded. “Ok.” And he squeezed Dean’s hand.
Dean stared at him like he’d been in front of a firing squad and gotten a last-second reprieve.
“You were right not to.”
"There’s something else you need to know, Sam,” Reggie said.
“I can’t. I just… I can’t. Not right now.” Sam pleaded at Reggie with his eyes. I’ll break. Please. I’ll just break.
“Tomorrow then.”
Sam nodded. He refused to look at John or Bobby.
“Dean. Get me out of here.”
Dean went to bring Sam upstairs, but Sam resisted.
“Out of this house.”
~
Dean walked with Sam outside, half supporting him. “Freezing out here. Where do you want to go?”
Sam doubled over and threw up.
“Fuck.” Dean glanced around the salvage yard. The garage. He still had the key.
He dragged Sam into the garage, flipped on the light, locked the door from the inside and fired up the space heater, pulling it close to the ratty grey sofa Bobby often passed out on after one too many PBRs.
He settled Sam down on the couch, and pulled a stained comforter over him. Sam sobbed in his arms, great wrenching sobs, crying so hard he pulled the muscles in his neck, so hard he doubled over clutching his aching stomach muscles and cried harder from the physical pain, crying himself to exhaustion and then crying still more. “Dean. Make it stop,” he begged.
Dean made it stop the only way he knew how. He kissed the tears from Sam’s lips, slipped his hands under Sam’s sweatshirt, brushing his fingertips against Sam’s bare skin.
Sam gentled under his touch, gasping in relief as the sharp agony he was feeling began slipping into the background. “Please.” Sam pressed against Dean like his life depended on it.
Dean stroked Sam’s flesh, lips warm on his neck, slipping his fingers inside Sam’s jeans, only taking a moment to coax Sam to full hardness. “Lay back.” Dean lowered Sam onto the couch, undid his jeans and pulled himself out, and settled over Sam. He nipped and sucked on Sam’s lips, teased them with the tip of his tongue, kissed him slow and sweet and thoroughly, taking his time, rubbing his cock against Sam’s all the while. “Love you, baby boy. Love you so much.” He traced his fingertips over Sam’s face, whispered words of love and praise, brought Sam to the edge, trembling and open-mouthed, and then plunged over the edge with him, chanting his name.
They lay together on the couch for a long time, until finally Sam stirred, and stared at an object on the workbench. “Help me get this cast off?”
“Absolutely.” Dean took the handheld rotary tool and stuffed a shop towel down inside Sam’s cast, and with the precision of a surgeon, scored the cast with the cutting wheel. He finished the job with a pair of scissors, and the cast came off neatly.
Sam scratched at the pale skin of his arm underneath, sighing with the pleasure of it. “God that feels good.”
Dean sniffled. It was bitterly cold, and they were no longer right in front of the space heater.
Sam softened when he saw the redness on Dean’s cheeks. “Let’s go in.”
Sam led Dean into the hallway. Bobby, John and Reggie were still in the living room. John’s eyes were bloodshot, and not from drink. His face creased with a hopeful smile at the sight of Sam.
Sam led Dean through the living room without a word, without so much as looking at anyone, and up the stairs toward their room.
The sound of their door shutting reverberated through the house.
John dropped his head into his hands.
“He’s gonna need time.” Reggie put his hand on John’s back. “A lot of time. But he’ll come around.”
~
Sam was often so cuddly in bed that Dean nicknamed him Barnacle. But he had never been this clingy. And Dean had never minded less.
They fell asleep almost instantly twined around each other like ivy, breathing as one.
Dean awoke at the crack of dawn to find Sam moving through the room, shoving objects into a large Army surplus duffel bag. He rubbed his eyes. “Sam?”
Sam stopped what he was doing. “You in or out?”
Without a moment’s hesitation, Dean answered, “In.”
Sam kicked an empty duffel toward Dean, a smile breaking over his face.
They bundled up with their warmest flannels, multiple layers and insulated jackets. They snuck out quietly, unnoticed by anyone, walking right past Reggie asleep on the couch. None of the hunters noticed them leave.
“Where’re we headed, Sammy?”
Sam looked over his shoulder at the house. “Away.”
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no subject
Date: 2012-12-25 10:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 06:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 06:50 am (UTC)But yes, I love my boys and will protect them. But they will face peril. They have to. Otherwise I would just call this story Gonna Fuck You So Hard Baby Boy.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-25 11:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 06:49 am (UTC)And Dean not hesitating was a parallel to Sam not getting mad. It takes no time at all for each to trust the other.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 12:06 am (UTC)so hot!! so scary!!! so heartbreaking!!
and now they're leaving?? eeeek!!
no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 03:03 am (UTC)Dean though. I'm surprised Sam let that go as quickly as he did. Yeah, John's fault, but still, Dean kept something that big from him. No fall out from Sam on that with Dean? Or maybe he just hasn't processed it enough in his head - all his anger is on his dad right now.
Azazel won't hurt Sam, no, he's got bigger plans. :(
Hope those boys stay safe out there...
no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 06:47 am (UTC)They'll talk about it later. But no, don't expect a fight over it in another chapter. I don't foresee that happening.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 05:03 am (UTC)You give me chills...I felt this chapter deep down into my bones. It hurt, it just hurt, but was just so amazing.
Thank you for the chapters, and I hope you had a wonderful holiday too, love.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 06:48 am (UTC)Thank you, yet again. I love your feedback, and always look forward to reading what you have to say.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-26 08:14 am (UTC)SGaDM 38
Date: 2012-12-26 10:24 pm (UTC)Happy New Year!
<3
Re: SGaDM 38
Date: 2012-12-27 12:32 am (UTC)Re: SGaDM 38
Date: 2012-12-27 02:58 pm (UTC)<3
Re: SGaDM 38
Date: 2012-12-27 06:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-30 09:40 pm (UTC)I love the way you write these boys, so much like how I see them. It made perfect sense to me how Sam immediately understood where Dean was coming from with keeping that secret from him, and the way they're so utterly in synch with each other is glorious. The trust, the epic love, the tenderness, the sensuality is all so, so wonderful. :)
Now all they have is each other, and I feel so bad for Sam and also Bobby in a way (can't bring myself to feel sorry for John, though), and I just hope that at least they can reconcile with him after a while. I'm worried about them not waiting to hear about Azazel and his designs on Sam, but then again this wouldn't be the nail-biting narrative it is without such tension and anxious anticipation, now would it? ;) As long as the boys are with each other, they can get through anything, right?
In any case, I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Thank you so much for this, m'dear! You keep outdoing yourself with this epic fic. I hope you had a Happy Christmas and I wish you all the best for 2013! ♥
no subject
Date: 2012-12-31 07:38 pm (UTC)And finally it's said! When they brought that up in Season 7 it was so gut-wrenching and true it amazed me they took that long to say it. I'm glad you included it. Also, so glad Dean is going to go along. Sam's gonna need him.
Can't wait for more!
no subject
Date: 2013-08-13 08:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-08-13 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-07 09:03 am (UTC)What a good reveal!
And omg they're running off without knowing the whole story! WTF!
Too exciting! : ) x
no subject
Date: 2013-12-07 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-10 08:31 am (UTC)Sam's flying off the handles - and rightfully so - and I'll I've got is the speech Gabriel gave him.
Full metal jacket.
Mind you, I'm going to be a bit concerned about the kiddies going off on their own.